Have you ever felt like the people in your life have no idea what you are going through? Like they just don’t get it?
Your
friends keep asking you to go out with them for a late night, even
after you have told them a thousand times you can’t do things like that
anymore.
Your husband doesn’t understand why some nights you just don’t want to be touched.
Your parents don’t get why you can’t do 10 things per day like you used to.
The
truth is, unless it happens to them, your loved ones will never fully
understand what you are going through. And you can’t expect them to.
There are some things you can do however to try and ease some of your
frustrations. In my opinion, communication is key. And if you are
thinking right now, “All I do is communicate and they still don’t get
it,” then maybe it is time to try a new tactic.
It
is essential to find a way to communicate with your loved ones about
your wants and needs. This is so essential because everyone’s wants and
needs are different and we as humans are not mind readers.
Your
loved one may think he is helping you when he does the laundry so you
don’t have to, but for you that may not be something you want help
with. It may be the one activity you can do without pain and it may
help with your sense of purpose.
Or you
may want your very active family to slow down a little because you can’t
keep up anymore without pain and exhaustion. But you haven’t told them
yet because you don’t want to change their way of life on account of
you.
How are the people in your life supposed to know these things unless you tell them?
Or maybe you have tried to communicate these things and they just don’t get it. What do you do then?
The
first step is to find the right time to communicate. Over drinks in a
loud bar or right before bed when everyone is tired may not be the best
time. Find a time to have a sit-down conversation in a quiet room with
your loved ones, whether it is one person at a time or all together.
Think about what you want to say beforehand and write down some notes,
so you make sure to talk about everything you want to.
Next,
if needed, educate them a little on your condition and how it affects
you. You may be surprised by how little people know about chronic
illnesses, even those closest to you. They may understand the basics
about your condition, but not enough to help you in the way you need
them to. They may not understand how dramatically life has changed for
you or how much you struggle.
Finally,
talk to them about how they can support you. Tell them what you want
from them and what you need from them. Mention some of the things they
are doing that are very helpful and that you would like them to continue
and then help them understand what you need them to do differently.
For
example: “It is really nice of you to help me with the laundry but that
is something I would like to do on my own. It gives me a sense of
purpose and makes me feel like I am accomplishing something. Instead, I
would really like for you to help more with the dishes. That is more
difficult for me to do and it really hurts.”
It
may take more than one conversation for your friends and loved ones to
really begin making the changes you would like. But if you keep gently
reminding them what you want and need, it is likely that you will see
some changes.
