Those of you who have a chronic illness know what I'm talking about. Those well-meaning people just trying to help. But sometimes those well-meaning people don't realize that we don't need or want suggestions or thoughts, we just need their support. Here are 10 things not to say to someone with a chronic illness.
1) It’s all in your head.
2) Maybe you’re just stressed.
3) Have you tried holistic options?
4) Maybe it’s your diet.
5) Have you tried exercising?
6) You don’t look sick.
7) But you’re too young to be sick!
8) Have you tried getting more sleep?
9) Maybe you should try__________.
10) I’m sorry.
What else have you been told that you would like to add to the list?
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind hearing "I'm sorry". I think that that can be said compassionately and with concern.
ReplyDeleteI agree. This doesn't try to negate the reality of your condition.
Delete"There are lots of people far worse than you." I hate to hear this!
ReplyDeleteYes!
ReplyDeleteI also despise "There are lots of people far worse than you."
ReplyDeletehow about this one: "so thin, u really should eat more" (thanks very much...u fat person who does nothing to help themselves and who has no idea that i have a chronic digestive issue) or "The problem is that you .........." (when really they have no idea what my problem is)...... i could go on, my list is long but im going to drop it there
ReplyDeleteI dont know what to say or do any more really . The pain is the morning noon and night . If I let myself go I will let it in and that will be it . End of depressive conversation.
ReplyDeleteThe comparison - "Ruby down the road had what you had and she's all better now"
ReplyDelete1. Good for "Ruby"
2. I wasn't aware you had a medical degree
3. I have several chronic and disabling conditions - exactly which of my conditions was it that "Ruby" had which she has now recovered from? I'm sure my GP would love to have information for this cure he has heard nothing about.
I've heard that one too..."my mom has the same thing you do"..really? you're mom is still working, painting her house, going to ball games..I've been flat on my back for 3 yrs, and need a walker to get up and make it down my hall way..I "force" myself to get ready for dr. appointments, and while going, i recline the seat as far as it can go so i can make the trip..But i'm so glad her mom has recovered!! ugh~
DeleteYes the phrase there are people worse off that you irks me too!
ReplyDelete"God will only give you what you can handle." I don't want to handle anymore!!
ReplyDeleteYes...don't you just love those bumper sticker quotes? I always want to reply "Wow, that was really deep"!. :) I un-followed my Facebook friends who sent me things.."Like if you love Jesus".and re-post to 12 friends ...seriously? When you struggle to do the basics... cook, dress, navigate stairs, every breath is a prayer of thanksgiving and every step is a walk of faith and courage...I don't think my relationship with my higher power should not be the first thing to be commented on or questioned.
Deletebut you dont "look"disabled
ReplyDeleteYour just depressed and lazy. You need to find a little job to keep your mind off of it.
ReplyDelete"You look great! You must be feeling better!" Should I tell them that it's a fake smile I am wearing? That I laugh and joke when I am worse so others don't stress? No, I just keep smiling because I don't want to sound mean.
ReplyDeleteThis is the one that really gets me crazy. Sometimes we have to do cerain things that drain the life out of us for days and I get calls, you looked so great, What do you mean you are in bed? I thought you were over all that? What would be your response. ?..
Delete"Maybe you need to have more faith" or "You just need to pray more"
ReplyDeleteThat one just sends me over a cliff!
DeleteThanks for all the replies everyone! These are all great additions to the list. I have heard many of these as well. It's very frustrating!
ReplyDeleteI went from working 60-70 hrs a week to being flat on my back in bed for the last 3 yrs...I have family members who seem to think, if i'd just get out and about..do more..or even go visiting, i'd feel alot better..The problem is, i have to sit while showering..sit while drying and dressing, then sometimes have to lay right there on the bathroom floor for a while before making it back to my bed...soo..how am i suppose to get out and about?? really?? Oh, and now that this commercial has been on television.."A body in motion, stays in motion"...seriously?? even the commercial says "for moderate pain"...I dealt with moderate pain when i was working like a man all those years! and '"stayed in motion" until i reached the point that i'm just broken..People don't get it...at all..If you don't "look like" you have the flu, you must be fine?
ReplyDeleteWhy are you crying?
ReplyDelete