Living with a chronic illness or chronic pain can be exhausting. It can be frustrating, stressful and infuriating and there may be many times when you just want to say “I give up”. Sometimes we need inspiration. A little something to hold on to that will help us to keep going. I hope these quotes will help some of you during those times.
1. You are more than your circumstances.
2. Don’t let what you can’t do interfere with what you can do.
3. Don’t be ashamed of your story. It will inspire others.
4. Today I will do the best I can and my best is good enough.
5. Courage is not having the strength to go on; it’s going on when you don’t have the strength.
6. I will choose to see the good in life.
7. We are challenged every day! We overcome every day! We are warriors!
8. You have dealt with so much and done the best you can. Take a moment to appreciate how strong you are!
9. No one is ever too broken, too scarred, or too far-gone to create change. Never stop fighting. Never lose faith.
10. Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow’.
Monday, September 29, 2014
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
10 Things No One With a Chronic Illness Wants to Hear
Those of you who have a chronic illness know what I'm talking about. Those well-meaning people just trying to help. But sometimes those well-meaning people don't realize that we don't need or want suggestions or thoughts, we just need their support. Here are 10 things not to say to someone with a chronic illness.
1) It’s all in your head.
2) Maybe you’re just stressed.
3) Have you tried holistic options?
4) Maybe it’s your diet.
5) Have you tried exercising?
6) You don’t look sick.
7) But you’re too young to be sick!
8) Have you tried getting more sleep?
9) Maybe you should try__________.
10) I’m sorry.
What else have you been told that you would like to add to the list?
1) It’s all in your head.
2) Maybe you’re just stressed.
3) Have you tried holistic options?
4) Maybe it’s your diet.
5) Have you tried exercising?
6) You don’t look sick.
7) But you’re too young to be sick!
8) Have you tried getting more sleep?
9) Maybe you should try__________.
10) I’m sorry.
What else have you been told that you would like to add to the list?
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
How Can Psychotherapy Help with Chronic Pain and Chronic Illness?
Although pain is a natural function of the human body, millions of people experience pain that is chronic, debilitating and that interferes with their daily lives. The same can be said for illness. Everyone gets sick here and there. But there are millions of people who suffer from chronic, sometimes invisible, illnesses that can be incapacitating.
If you ask anyone who experiences chronic pain or illness, you will find that, for most, dealing with chronic pain or illness means not only physical burdens, but mental burdens as well. It may mean not only unrelenting doctor visits, procedures and/or surgeries, but also difficulties with employment, an inability to engage in once enjoyable activities, anxiety about the future, friends and family who do not understand, etc. The list goes on.
So how can psychotherapy help you with your chronic pain or chronic illness?
Many individuals with chronic pain or chronic illness grieve for the life they once had and the person they once were. This grieving process is normal and it is a very important part of learning to accept ones condition. Psychotherapy can help you through this process by helping you deal with the anger, frustration, and loss that often accompanies chronic pain and chronic illness. Psychotherapy can also teach you coping skills that will help you minimize the stress, anxiety and depression you may be experiencing and move toward acceptance.
Chronic pain and chronic illness can change a person’s thought process. The once cheerful, outgoing, positive person may find themselves feeling sad and negative, isolating themselves and unable to enjoy life. Psychotherapy can help you identify and adjust negative thinking patterns so that you are able to focus on the positive aspects of your life, redefine who you are, and make accommodations in your life that will help you reestablish a sense of self control.
Having chronic pain and/or a chronic illness can often make you feel isolated from friends and family. Not only do they not understand what you are going through, having chronic pain or a chronic illness often makes it hard to engage in social activities. It may make it difficult to complete household chores, which can be frustrating to you and your significant other. You may find it difficult to talk about anything other than your chronic pain or chronic illness with your friends and family because it is always on your mind. Psychotherapy can help you learn to pace your activities and chores which will help you accomplish your goals, it will help you with the anxiety that often accompanies social activities, and it will help you learn to deal with the constant ruminations about your illness that make it so difficult to think about anything else.
Many people suffering from chronic pain and chronic illness have difficulty sleeping. It has been proven that lack of sleep exacerbates pain. Therefore, adequate sleep is extremely important. Psychotherapy can help patients with sleep hygiene, which involves developing or redefining a bedtime ritual, relaxation techniques, thought stopping techniques, and identification of environmental factors that may contribute to difficulty sleeping.
If you can relate to anything I have talked about above, don’t hesitate to seek help! It can help you gain back your self-control and begin enjoying life again!
If you ask anyone who experiences chronic pain or illness, you will find that, for most, dealing with chronic pain or illness means not only physical burdens, but mental burdens as well. It may mean not only unrelenting doctor visits, procedures and/or surgeries, but also difficulties with employment, an inability to engage in once enjoyable activities, anxiety about the future, friends and family who do not understand, etc. The list goes on.
So how can psychotherapy help you with your chronic pain or chronic illness?
Many individuals with chronic pain or chronic illness grieve for the life they once had and the person they once were. This grieving process is normal and it is a very important part of learning to accept ones condition. Psychotherapy can help you through this process by helping you deal with the anger, frustration, and loss that often accompanies chronic pain and chronic illness. Psychotherapy can also teach you coping skills that will help you minimize the stress, anxiety and depression you may be experiencing and move toward acceptance.
Chronic pain and chronic illness can change a person’s thought process. The once cheerful, outgoing, positive person may find themselves feeling sad and negative, isolating themselves and unable to enjoy life. Psychotherapy can help you identify and adjust negative thinking patterns so that you are able to focus on the positive aspects of your life, redefine who you are, and make accommodations in your life that will help you reestablish a sense of self control.
Having chronic pain and/or a chronic illness can often make you feel isolated from friends and family. Not only do they not understand what you are going through, having chronic pain or a chronic illness often makes it hard to engage in social activities. It may make it difficult to complete household chores, which can be frustrating to you and your significant other. You may find it difficult to talk about anything other than your chronic pain or chronic illness with your friends and family because it is always on your mind. Psychotherapy can help you learn to pace your activities and chores which will help you accomplish your goals, it will help you with the anxiety that often accompanies social activities, and it will help you learn to deal with the constant ruminations about your illness that make it so difficult to think about anything else.
Many people suffering from chronic pain and chronic illness have difficulty sleeping. It has been proven that lack of sleep exacerbates pain. Therefore, adequate sleep is extremely important. Psychotherapy can help patients with sleep hygiene, which involves developing or redefining a bedtime ritual, relaxation techniques, thought stopping techniques, and identification of environmental factors that may contribute to difficulty sleeping.
If you can relate to anything I have talked about above, don’t hesitate to seek help! It can help you gain back your self-control and begin enjoying life again!
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
How To Combat The "Why Me's"
If you have a chronic illness or suffer from chronic pain, you have no doubt asked yourself “why me?” at least once…or more likely, a hundred times. I know I have. This question usually comes when you are not feeling well, when things aren’t going as you planned, or when you are in pain. It is something that is hard to move past. It can be frustrating and all-consuming at times. It can be depressing and can provoke anxiety. Here are a few tips that I hope will help.
1. Learn to accept that you may never get an answer. For the majority of us, there is no answer to “why me?”. Unfortunately sometimes things just happen. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean “it’s okay”. I’m not asking you to say that it is okay that you have an illness or pain. When I talk about acceptance, I mean being able to make necessary adjustments in your life, learning your new normal, and learning that despite your chronic illness or pain you can still be happy. Learning to accept that you may never get an answer to why this happened to you will be a process. It is not something that will happen overnight. You may want to resist it and that’s alright. It is not fair that this happened to you but with some hard work, dedication and a little reorganization of priorities, it is possible to be happy and to accept not having an answer to “why me?”
2. Find meaning. Ask yourself what good could come out of your situation. I guarantee that if you are open to that question, if you take the time to think about it, and if you are honest with yourself, you will likely come up with at least one positive thing that has come out of all the bad. For me, the meaning in my situation is that I am able to counsel others with chronic illness and chronic pain. It is what I love to do and I have been able to take my own experiences and knowledge and help others. For you it doesn’t have to be something as big as a career decision. It may be something as simple as the fact that you now have more compassion for others, you don’t judge people as quickly as you used to, or that your illness or pain has taught you to appreciate the small things in life.
3. Find a passion for something. Try to focus your attention on something other than “why me?”. Find a hobby or a passion that will make you happy and take your mind off of “why me?”. It is okay if the question comes into your mind once in a while. When it is constant or interrupts your quality of life, your focus, or your happiness, that is a problem. Finding something that brings you joy will help you to cope.
4. Find support. You are not alone. As I stated above, the majority of us with a chronic illness or chronic pain have asked ourselves “why me?”. If you find that you are having difficulty with this question, find support, either with friends, family, a support group, or a therapist. Talking about what you are thinking and feeling can help greatly.
1. Learn to accept that you may never get an answer. For the majority of us, there is no answer to “why me?”. Unfortunately sometimes things just happen. Acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean “it’s okay”. I’m not asking you to say that it is okay that you have an illness or pain. When I talk about acceptance, I mean being able to make necessary adjustments in your life, learning your new normal, and learning that despite your chronic illness or pain you can still be happy. Learning to accept that you may never get an answer to why this happened to you will be a process. It is not something that will happen overnight. You may want to resist it and that’s alright. It is not fair that this happened to you but with some hard work, dedication and a little reorganization of priorities, it is possible to be happy and to accept not having an answer to “why me?”
2. Find meaning. Ask yourself what good could come out of your situation. I guarantee that if you are open to that question, if you take the time to think about it, and if you are honest with yourself, you will likely come up with at least one positive thing that has come out of all the bad. For me, the meaning in my situation is that I am able to counsel others with chronic illness and chronic pain. It is what I love to do and I have been able to take my own experiences and knowledge and help others. For you it doesn’t have to be something as big as a career decision. It may be something as simple as the fact that you now have more compassion for others, you don’t judge people as quickly as you used to, or that your illness or pain has taught you to appreciate the small things in life.
3. Find a passion for something. Try to focus your attention on something other than “why me?”. Find a hobby or a passion that will make you happy and take your mind off of “why me?”. It is okay if the question comes into your mind once in a while. When it is constant or interrupts your quality of life, your focus, or your happiness, that is a problem. Finding something that brings you joy will help you to cope.
4. Find support. You are not alone. As I stated above, the majority of us with a chronic illness or chronic pain have asked ourselves “why me?”. If you find that you are having difficulty with this question, find support, either with friends, family, a support group, or a therapist. Talking about what you are thinking and feeling can help greatly.
Monday, April 14, 2014
My Invisible Illness is Real
Most people who have an invisible illness (a chronic medical condition that shows no outward signs) have experienced these words at one point and time: "But you don't look sick." These words can be extremely frustrating. I often ask my clients, "What is the most difficult thing for you about having (Crohn's Disease, ulcerative colitis, IBS…)?" I can't tell you how many times I have heard the answers "It's hard to talk to people about what I'm going through because they tell me I don't look sick", or "My family doesn't always believe how bad I feel because I don't look sick", or "I've been told it's all in my head". I could go on. This is one of the difficulties those of us with chronic illnesses need to learn to overcome. The idea that people don't believe us because they cannot see our illness like they can see someone in a wheelchair or a like they can hear a chronic cough can feel isolating and depressing. Sometimes it can make us feel like maybe it really is in our heads. Maybe we aren't really as sick as we think. Instead of giving in to this, we need to fight back! Understand that these people aren't saying these things to be insensitive. They just don't get it. So educate them! Explaining to them what you are going through and why you don't look sick will not only educate them on something they are unfamiliar with, it can be empowering for you too. Also, trust yourself. You know how you feel. You know your illness. You know that it is not in your head. It is real.
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
The Importance of Choosing the Right Doctor
I have been thinking about this topic for quite some time. Not only have I recently had clients question their choice in doctors, I have been thinking about how lucky I am to have the team of doctors I do. I quite literally owe my life to my colorectal surgeon and his team as well as my gastroenterologist. I have complete trust in them and know they have my best interest at heart. That is very comforting.
When you are living with a chronic illness or chronic pain, choosing the right doctor can make all the difference in your treatment. So, with all of the doctors out there, how can you be sure you have chosen the right one for you? Here are some tips:
Do your homework: If you are searching for a doctor, make sure you do your research! Check out healthgrades.com, vitals.com, and other sites where patients can post reviews. Also, don't be afraid to make an appointment to interview potential new doctors. Ask the doctor any and all questions you need answers to in order to make a decision about who would be the best fit for you. If they value you as a potential new patient, they will take the five or ten minutes necessary to answer your questions.
Choose a doctor who specializes in your condition: If you have gastrointestinal issues, choose a gastroenterologist. If you have chronic pain, choose a doctor who specializes in pain management. You get the idea. I cannot express how important it is to have a doctor who specializes in the specific illness you are struggling with. General practitioners can be great for common colds, flu's and that sort of thing, but when you are dealing with something specific, such as Crohn's Disease, arthritis, chronic pain, etc. you need a doctor who knows everything possible about your condition.
Trust your instincts: If you have been seeing a doctor you are not happy or comfortable with, find another doctor! I know this sounds like common sense but I can't tell you how many clients I have seen who have stayed with a doctor they are unhappy with. To some degree I understand. Doctors are seen as authority figures so sometimes we question our own instincts when we feel uncomfortable with a doctor. We think it must be something within ourselves, not something with the doctor. Please know that if you feel that something isn't right or you are not getting the treatment you deserve or need, you are probably correct. Trust your instincts. Your health and happiness are on the line.
If you aren't sure, get a second opinion: If you have received a diagnosis you are unsure of or your doctor is recommending a procedure or surgery you are not sure you need, get a second opinion. The worst that is going to happen is that the second doctor will agree with your doctor. At least you will then have the peace of mind you need to move forward.
Ask your peers: If you are looking for a doctor, don't hesitate to ask people you know for a recommendation. You can also research Facebook groups or other online forums dedicated to people with your illness and ask individuals there for recommendations. Hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly from actual patients can be the best way to find a new doctor.
When you are living with a chronic illness or chronic pain, choosing the right doctor can make all the difference in your treatment. So, with all of the doctors out there, how can you be sure you have chosen the right one for you? Here are some tips:
Do your homework: If you are searching for a doctor, make sure you do your research! Check out healthgrades.com, vitals.com, and other sites where patients can post reviews. Also, don't be afraid to make an appointment to interview potential new doctors. Ask the doctor any and all questions you need answers to in order to make a decision about who would be the best fit for you. If they value you as a potential new patient, they will take the five or ten minutes necessary to answer your questions.
Choose a doctor who specializes in your condition: If you have gastrointestinal issues, choose a gastroenterologist. If you have chronic pain, choose a doctor who specializes in pain management. You get the idea. I cannot express how important it is to have a doctor who specializes in the specific illness you are struggling with. General practitioners can be great for common colds, flu's and that sort of thing, but when you are dealing with something specific, such as Crohn's Disease, arthritis, chronic pain, etc. you need a doctor who knows everything possible about your condition.
Trust your instincts: If you have been seeing a doctor you are not happy or comfortable with, find another doctor! I know this sounds like common sense but I can't tell you how many clients I have seen who have stayed with a doctor they are unhappy with. To some degree I understand. Doctors are seen as authority figures so sometimes we question our own instincts when we feel uncomfortable with a doctor. We think it must be something within ourselves, not something with the doctor. Please know that if you feel that something isn't right or you are not getting the treatment you deserve or need, you are probably correct. Trust your instincts. Your health and happiness are on the line.
If you aren't sure, get a second opinion: If you have received a diagnosis you are unsure of or your doctor is recommending a procedure or surgery you are not sure you need, get a second opinion. The worst that is going to happen is that the second doctor will agree with your doctor. At least you will then have the peace of mind you need to move forward.
Ask your peers: If you are looking for a doctor, don't hesitate to ask people you know for a recommendation. You can also research Facebook groups or other online forums dedicated to people with your illness and ask individuals there for recommendations. Hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly from actual patients can be the best way to find a new doctor.
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
Raising Awareness About Lupus
Recently I was contacted by a representative of Healthline, a fantastic medical website which offers information and resources on just about any illness or medical issue you can think of. I highly recommend you check it out. The reason I was contacted was because their goal this year is to raise awareness about Lupus, a chronic autoimmune disease that can affect any part of a person's body. The representative who contacted me was hoping I would help them raise awareness. Of course, I jumped at the chance. First of all, it is my goal to raise as much awareness about chronic illness and chronic pain as possible. Second of all, I have been dealing with chronic illnesses since I was 18 months old and I know how empowering education and resources can be.
When I was 18 months old, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. It went into remission when I was six years old and came back when I was fifteen. At that time it was difficult to control my symptoms, so my rheumatologist wanted to test me for Lupus. I remember being so afraid of that word and what it meant. I didn't have a great understanding of what Lupus was. All I knew was what I had seen from a woman on T.V. who had Lupus. She said that she was extremely tired all of the time and that she was in a lot of pain. At the time, there was not a lot of information available about Lupus. I wish I had a resource like Healthline. It would have made that possible diagnosis a little less scary. If you or someone you know has Lupus, or you think you may have Lupus, please check out this link:
http://www.healthline.com/health/lupus/effects-on-body
It is a virtual guide of the symptoms of Lupus and how it affects the body. It's a great resource.
When I was 18 months old, I was diagnosed with Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. It went into remission when I was six years old and came back when I was fifteen. At that time it was difficult to control my symptoms, so my rheumatologist wanted to test me for Lupus. I remember being so afraid of that word and what it meant. I didn't have a great understanding of what Lupus was. All I knew was what I had seen from a woman on T.V. who had Lupus. She said that she was extremely tired all of the time and that she was in a lot of pain. At the time, there was not a lot of information available about Lupus. I wish I had a resource like Healthline. It would have made that possible diagnosis a little less scary. If you or someone you know has Lupus, or you think you may have Lupus, please check out this link:
http://www.healthline.com/health/lupus/effects-on-body
It is a virtual guide of the symptoms of Lupus and how it affects the body. It's a great resource.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
The Brain-Gut Axis...Part 2
I found this page today while doing a little browsing “Five Hot Topics in Inflammatory Bowel Disease Research”. http://theibdimmunologist.com/5-hot-topics-in-inflammatory-bowel-disease-research. If you take a look at number 4, it says “The Brain-Gut Axis”. This is the same thing as the Mind-Gut Connection I talked about in an earlier post. While I was very happy to see that this is one of the “hot topics” in IBD research, I was a bit surprised. I can’t tell you how many GI doctors, nurses, other medical professionals I have contacted to tell them about the importance of looking at the psychological effects of IBD as well as the importance of preparing patients psychologically for surgery. I’ve told them about the services I offer, in terms of counseling, speaking and support groups. While some of these doctors understand the importance of the psychological component to these illnesses, it seems that most of them either don’t understand, don’t believe in it, or don’t want to take the time out of their busy schedules to learn about how psychological help may benefit their clients.
I believe there is truth to this “Brain-Gut Axis” and I think it needs to be taken more seriously in the medical community and that it needs to be mentioned to patients. Referrals need to be offered if needed. After all, how would patients, especially new patients, have any idea how much their psychological state could affect their disease course or management. I guess my question is, how can we make this a regular part of IBD treatment? Any ideas would be welcomed.
I believe there is truth to this “Brain-Gut Axis” and I think it needs to be taken more seriously in the medical community and that it needs to be mentioned to patients. Referrals need to be offered if needed. After all, how would patients, especially new patients, have any idea how much their psychological state could affect their disease course or management. I guess my question is, how can we make this a regular part of IBD treatment? Any ideas would be welcomed.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Get Motivated! 10 Tips That Will Help You Reach Your Goals
At times, having a chronic illness can make it hard to stay motivated to reach goals. Some days you may not feel well enough. Other days you may think “what’s the point if I’m always going to be sick?”. Below are 10 tips to help you stay motivated to reach your goals.
1. Start with one goal: Often times it’s hard to get motivated because there’s just too much going on. When there are a million things going on in your life and five different things you want to achieve, it’s very hard to remain focused. Write down your goals and then prioritize. Choose one goal to work on and focus only on that goal. You will achieve your goal quicker and it will be easier to stay focused and motivated if you work on one goal at a time.
2. Start small: Once you have chosen the one goal you are going to focus on, write down baby steps you can take to get there…and I’m mean BABY steps. Start very small. It will be easier to continue to be motivated if you start small and are able to see your successes.
3. Recognize small successes: Each time you complete a small step toward your larger goal, recognize it and be proud of yourself! Recognizing that you are completing the steps necessary can be very motivating because you will see that you are getting there!
4. Set a timeframe for completing your goal: Think about what an appropriate, realistic timeframe would be for completing your goal and mark it on a calendar in red. Look at that day on your calendar regularly as a reminder and as a motivator.
5. Find inspiration: Whether it is from someone you know who is already doing what you are working toward, reading information online, reading blogs, books or magazines, finding inspiration to reach your goal can do a lot to give you a boost of motivation.
6. Remind yourself of your goal: Make a poster with a short sentence describing your goal or simply write it on a piece of paper in big letters and tape it up where you will see it every day; on your mirror, on your refrigerator, on your desk at work…you get the idea. It’s hard to ignore it when it’s in your face every day.
7. Tell people about your goal: Whether it’s just one person or a whole bunch of people, telling people about your goal will make you feel accountable, which in turn will help to motivate you to succeed.
8. Get support: If you have a friend or family member working toward the same goal as you, talk to them about doing it together. Having a buddy makes accomplishing a goal easier. You can rely on each other during the times you are each feeling less motivated and you can celebrate together when you have reached small milestones. If you don’t have a personal friend or family member working toward the same goal, look online for any support groups that may be out there.
9. Create a routine: Make accomplishing your goal a part of your daily or weekly routine. For example, if getting in shape is the goal you are struggling with, dedicate yourself to exercising on specific days of the week at the same time on each of those days. While it may be a struggle at first, once you get into a routine it will be easier to stay motivated.
10. Replace negative thinking with positive thinking: Instead of thinking “I will never be able to do this”, think “I can do this and I will do it!” Make an effort to recognize your negative thinking patterns and make a real effort to turn those around. Negative self-talk will make it ten times more difficult to stay motivated and reach your goals.
1. Start with one goal: Often times it’s hard to get motivated because there’s just too much going on. When there are a million things going on in your life and five different things you want to achieve, it’s very hard to remain focused. Write down your goals and then prioritize. Choose one goal to work on and focus only on that goal. You will achieve your goal quicker and it will be easier to stay focused and motivated if you work on one goal at a time.
2. Start small: Once you have chosen the one goal you are going to focus on, write down baby steps you can take to get there…and I’m mean BABY steps. Start very small. It will be easier to continue to be motivated if you start small and are able to see your successes.
3. Recognize small successes: Each time you complete a small step toward your larger goal, recognize it and be proud of yourself! Recognizing that you are completing the steps necessary can be very motivating because you will see that you are getting there!
4. Set a timeframe for completing your goal: Think about what an appropriate, realistic timeframe would be for completing your goal and mark it on a calendar in red. Look at that day on your calendar regularly as a reminder and as a motivator.
5. Find inspiration: Whether it is from someone you know who is already doing what you are working toward, reading information online, reading blogs, books or magazines, finding inspiration to reach your goal can do a lot to give you a boost of motivation.
6. Remind yourself of your goal: Make a poster with a short sentence describing your goal or simply write it on a piece of paper in big letters and tape it up where you will see it every day; on your mirror, on your refrigerator, on your desk at work…you get the idea. It’s hard to ignore it when it’s in your face every day.
7. Tell people about your goal: Whether it’s just one person or a whole bunch of people, telling people about your goal will make you feel accountable, which in turn will help to motivate you to succeed.
8. Get support: If you have a friend or family member working toward the same goal as you, talk to them about doing it together. Having a buddy makes accomplishing a goal easier. You can rely on each other during the times you are each feeling less motivated and you can celebrate together when you have reached small milestones. If you don’t have a personal friend or family member working toward the same goal, look online for any support groups that may be out there.
9. Create a routine: Make accomplishing your goal a part of your daily or weekly routine. For example, if getting in shape is the goal you are struggling with, dedicate yourself to exercising on specific days of the week at the same time on each of those days. While it may be a struggle at first, once you get into a routine it will be easier to stay motivated.
10. Replace negative thinking with positive thinking: Instead of thinking “I will never be able to do this”, think “I can do this and I will do it!” Make an effort to recognize your negative thinking patterns and make a real effort to turn those around. Negative self-talk will make it ten times more difficult to stay motivated and reach your goals.
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
The Five Stages of Grief for Chronic Illness or Chronic Pain
I’m sure some of you have heard of the five stages of grief developed by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross. Kübler-Ross developed these stages to explain the process individuals go through who are near death. But did you know that these five stages can be used to explain the process people go through when diagnosed with a chronic illness or chronic pain? Below, I will explain how these stages relate to those of us with chronic illness or chronic pain. Along with the “depression” stage, I have added anxiety because I think this is common in most of us who experience a chronic illness or chronic pain. As you read these, think about which stage you may currently be in. Remember, these stages are not linear. You can jump back and forth between stages depending on where you are at in your diagnosis.
Denial
In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We wonder how our life is going to change and how we are going to live with those changes. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible.
This stage can be dangerous for people with chronic illness/pain because at this stage if they are in denial about their illness or pain, they may not take the necessary steps to get themselves the treatment they need.
Example: “It’s not a big deal, it will go away”
Anger
Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. Your anger has no limits and it may extend not only to your friends, doctors, your family, yourself and your loved ones.
Example: “This isn’t fair! I didn’t do anything to deserve this!”
Bargaining
This is the stage where we want more than anything for life to be what it once was. We become entrenched in “if only” or “what if” statements. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if only’s” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain or illness because we would do anything not to feel it anymore.
Example: “Please just don’t let this ruin my life”.
Depression (and/or Anxiety)
After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It is important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on. Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. Being diagnosed with a chronic illness or experiencing chronic pain is a loss – a loss of the life you once had. Depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way toward healing.
Having a chronic illness or chronic pain also may bring up feelings of anxiety; anxiety about what the future holds, anxiety about not being able to live up to expectations now that this illness or pain is present, anxiety about social situations, anxiety about medical bills, etc.
Example: “I’m going to be in pain forever so why even bother”.
Acceptance
Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Many people don’t ever feel OK or all right about having to live with pain or an illness for the rest of their lives. This stage is about accepting the reality of your situation and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live life with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must make adaptations and alterations to our lives. We must find new things that bring us joy.
Example: “I’m not going to let this define me. I will learn to deal with this the best I can”.
Denial
In this stage, the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We wonder how our life is going to change and how we are going to live with those changes. Denial and shock help us to cope and make survival possible.
This stage can be dangerous for people with chronic illness/pain because at this stage if they are in denial about their illness or pain, they may not take the necessary steps to get themselves the treatment they need.
Example: “It’s not a big deal, it will go away”
Anger
Anger is a necessary stage of the healing process. Be willing to feel your anger, even though it may seem endless. The more you truly feel it, the more it will begin to dissipate and the more you will heal. There are many other emotions under the anger and you will get to them in time, but anger is the emotion we are most used to managing. Your anger has no limits and it may extend not only to your friends, doctors, your family, yourself and your loved ones.
Example: “This isn’t fair! I didn’t do anything to deserve this!”
Bargaining
This is the stage where we want more than anything for life to be what it once was. We become entrenched in “if only” or “what if” statements. Guilt is often bargaining’s companion. The “if only’s” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. We may even bargain with the pain or illness because we would do anything not to feel it anymore.
Example: “Please just don’t let this ruin my life”.
Depression (and/or Anxiety)
After bargaining, our attention moves squarely into the present. Empty feelings present themselves, and grief enters our lives on a deeper level, deeper than we ever imagined. This depressive stage feels as though it will last forever. It is important to understand that this depression is not a sign of mental illness. It is the appropriate response to a loss. We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on. Depression after a loss is too often seen as unnatural: a state to be fixed, something to snap out of. Being diagnosed with a chronic illness or experiencing chronic pain is a loss – a loss of the life you once had. Depression is one of the many necessary steps along the way toward healing.
Having a chronic illness or chronic pain also may bring up feelings of anxiety; anxiety about what the future holds, anxiety about not being able to live up to expectations now that this illness or pain is present, anxiety about social situations, anxiety about medical bills, etc.
Example: “I’m going to be in pain forever so why even bother”.
Acceptance
Acceptance is often confused with the notion of being “all right” or “OK” with what has happened. This is not the case. Many people don’t ever feel OK or all right about having to live with pain or an illness for the rest of their lives. This stage is about accepting the reality of your situation and recognizing that this new reality is the permanent reality. We will never like this reality or make it OK, but eventually we accept it. We learn to live life with it. It is the new norm with which we must learn to live. We must make adaptations and alterations to our lives. We must find new things that bring us joy.
Example: “I’m not going to let this define me. I will learn to deal with this the best I can”.
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